The forbidden word
How having a healthy approach towards failure can improve your life.
For many people, including myself, failure is something that they either do not want to talk about or avoid at all costs. In the past, I have been too afraid of failure. Actually, I convinced myself that it is better to not try than fail. Turns out, it was one of the worst decisions I ever made.
To give you a little bit of a back story: until I was seventeen, the only failure I have known was a failed English exam — which I retook a few months later and passed. At school, I could pick up things easily during class hours. That meant I could achieve high grades with low effort. But then, university happened. My dream came true; I was studying physics. Instead of being filled with happiness and being on a high, I was insecure. Suddenly I had something to lose. For me studying physics was valuable, so the thought of not being good enough was difficult — to put it mildly.
Unfortunately, going into the first semester, I was far from prepared for what came at me. That only fed my insecurities even more. During lectures, the amount of information given was a lot and complex. Thus I could not rely on learning during class hours, as I did in the past. It was then that the fear of failure thrived. I was so scared I will fail all of the exams, I decided to give up properly preparing for them. This way, I could give myself an excuse. In my mind, failure was due to not trying hard enough and not due to not being good enough.
As you can imagine, it did not end well. Thinking this way, only delivered a bunch of failed exams. Fortunately, I realized this mindset will not get me far. Since failing has proven not to be the end of the world, I asked myself, what if I actually tried hard for my exams to see what happens. If I fail, fine, I will be at the same place as I am now. But if I succeed, I will be one step closer to my goal. That happed a little late than my liking, but better late than never, right?!
Even when I tried hard, failure still happened, but this time success came too. That way, the fear of not being good enough for studying physics disappeared slowly, and I started seeing things with clarity. Now failure meant that I had to try harder or another way of study. Of course, this worked. Now that you have read a little bit of my story, I will let you know how I approach failure nowadays. As mentioned earlier, failure is not the end of the world. Sure, failing can leave you with feelings of disappointment, anger, and sadness. But if you look past them, you will see that you can actually benefit from it.
When things work out, we rarely take the time to ask ourselves: how did this happen, or what I did right or wrong to achieve this. On the contrary, failure can come with a handful of doubts — and that is a good thing. Using this doubt in your favor, you can ask yourself the right questions. Questions like: what did I do wrong, in which area I need to improve, or what I need to do more of can really make a difference. Suddenly, failure is a great opportunity rather than a setback. Through failing, you can find so much room for improvement and become a better version of yourself. I know it sounds cheesy, but I promise the moment you will realize that your life will transform.
In my view, that is the healthy approach towards failure. Not only on an academic level but in other aspects of life too. As a takeaway from this post, you should try to look past the negative feelings and put the healthy approach towards failure into practice. As always, see you in my next post. Until then, I would love to read your opinion or experience on this topic in the comment section.
Love, Mal
